


Almost

by chipsandwaffles



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:56:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4496196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chipsandwaffles/pseuds/chipsandwaffles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having some sort of heart to heart that Stiles really didn't want to hear with Theo, well, things change, mostly for him. There were killers all over, was romance really such a priority right now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers ahead. This is set immediately after 5.7 in what I assume would happen if Stiles was very slightly into Theo and dating Derek. Enjoy lovelies.

Stiles was completely and totally blaming Theo for this. It was his fault with his… stupid blue eyes and firm hands that dragged him out from under his car. Totally his fault. 

God, his car. His baby, ruined, and all because some asshole came and flipped it over. Honestly, it probably was Theo’s fault. Stiles was just an innocent human and Theo, well, he was suspicious in every possible way. Every time he had a bad feeling about someone, he was right. And he knew he was right about Theo. 

He probably wasn’t even completely a werewolf. He was probably a chimera too. The alpha chimera. Yeah, that’d make sense. Or, at least it makes sense in Stiles’ head as he paces back and forth around his bedroom. Theo had even helped him home and insisted he stay to calm Stiles down, but he wasn’t having any of his “I want to be a good person” act. Last time he trusted someone with that, he almost got shot. Wasn’t going to do that again, thank you very much. 

He hadn’t even stopped to wash Theo’s blood off his face the moment he was alone in his bedroom, or change out of his clothes into something cleaner. His mind was rolling at 3000 ticks a minute; he couldn’t stop that just to be clean. 

Which, just reminded him that he was thinking of Theo. He saved him twice now. That couldn’t just be a nice guy tactic. That had to be a “let me get your trust tactic.” Stiles was sure of it. He even wrote next to Theo’s name seven times the word “untrustworthy.”

And then erased it six of those times. 

“He’s evil. He has to be… My hunch is never wrong,” Stiles mumbles to himself, continuing his pacing around his room. He was on edge tonight, far more than usual, and it was Theo’s fault. “Pretty sure my hunch doesn’t say to kiss the bad guy though… Except Derek, but he wasn’t the bad guy. He’s…”

Thinking- 

No, not thinking. Talking out loud to himself about Derek finally makes Stiles stop and sit down. He hadn’t heard from his boyfriend in sixteen days. Of course, he’d never tell Scott or someone else that. According to Stiles they had talked a few nights ago on Skype. But, Stiles had started to become a good liar ever since he had the nogitsune in him. One of the only perks of being controlled by an evil fox spirit. 

Not telling everyone about Derek was pointless though. How was he supposed to casually mention stuff about Derek missing when they had other things to worry about? Chimeras and stupid dread doctors. Yeah, way more important than Stiles’ love life. 

Of course, when it came to Scott’s love life everything was put on hold, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t Stiles get some action stopping when he was having problems in his love life? Probably because the world hated him. Or maybe Derek hated him. That’d make sense. Dump Stiles by not talking to him for sixteen days. Not answer his texts, or skype messages, or calls, or-

Stiles nearly jumps when his computer started ringing out a tune that was only unique to one person. He stands up from off his bed and walks over to his desk, sitting down and clicking the ‘answer call’ button.

“Derek, where have you been?” Stiles shoots off immediately. “I’ve been trying to contact you for days and now at two in the morning you think it’s an ample time to talk to me? Well, listen here mister, it isn’t. I almost died today, I’m pretty sure Scott is dead too because he won’t answer my calls and actually this probably isn’t real. I’m sure I’ll wake up any minute in Eichen House because wow! Guess what! I’m probably fucking clinically insane! Werewolves? Damn, no. “You’re just imagining things, Stiles,” they’d say. Of course they’d say that. Eichen house is literally the worst-

“Stiles.”

“No. No, shut up. You don’t get to interrupt me. I don’t know what you’re doing in wherever the hell you are, Derek, but seriously, I doubt it’s as bad as us worrying if some chimera is going to murder us every freaking waking moment-

“Stiles, stop-

“Absolutely not! Where is my dad? Probably dead too. Lydia? Dead. Malia? Dead. Why won’t anyone answer my texts Derek? Is it that hard to type two words? An “I’m okay” is all I really need. Even if they’re not okay at least that puts my mind at ease.” Stiles doesn’t even skip a beat in talking; not even when he stands up and starts to pace again in front of the computer. 

“Oh, but of course, I’m not that important anyways. I’m just a silly little human! I’m practically worthless in a pack full of werewolves and foxes and banshees and whatever the hell Parrish is-

“STILES.” He stops immediately when Derek uses his stern voice at him. He would know that’s how to calm him down. At least, when he’s not able to hold him. Derek sighs an exasperated sigh as usual and leans a little closer to his own computer screen.

“Stiles, you know you’re one of the most important members of the pack. The pack knows that. Sit down, please. I didn’t call you so you could freak out in front of me. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to reply back to you. Things got tight here and-

“I almost kissed someone else.” 

There’s silence between the two of them for a long moment. Stiles is calming his breathing after barely breathing at all a minute ago, and Derek is, well, being quiet like Derek does. He doesn’t speak up first either, of course; it’s Stiles. 

“Mostly because I wanted to shut him up because he was telling me about his sister and I honestly didn’t care but nooo, he just had to tell the story. Like, good for you Theo I seriously don’t care. And then my car got wrecked and I still have blood on my face. It’s not my blood, by the way-

“Stiles, stop talking.” Stiles does this time when Derek asks. Something about his tone makes him want to stop talking forever. Or maybe it’s the way his brain is telling him that if he doesn’t he’s going to make matters worse. At least he didn’t actually do it. That’s what really mattered. 

“I’m sorry,” Derek finally says after another long moment of silence. “For a lot of things. Mostly about… us.”

“Why are you apologizing? You weren’t the one who almost kissed someone else,” Stiles replies. 

“Not the point. I promised when I left that I’d be a decent boyfriend. We promised we’d talk every day and I didn’t keep it.” Stiles is listening intently to Derek. For once, he sounds more sincere than Scott. Stiles gets distracted as he keeps listening by Derek’s face. Pictures could only do so much, and they certainly didn’t do his face justice. 

Stiles watches his beautiful eyes move as he talks. He watches the way his jaw tightens as he says something he’s probably not completely comfortable with. He watches a hand run through his hair. And then he starts thinking about that hand holding his. Thinks about kissing his jaw, or staring into his eyes when he wakes up in the morning. 

He misses Derek. He’s been so lonely without him, constantly thinking that maybe today was the day he’d come back. Or the next. Or the one after that. And then when he doesn’t show, Stiles changes into his shirt, wraps himself under the covers and dreams about him. It’s not Derek, but it’s something close.

And… the thought that kissing Theo even crossed his mind makes him sick to his stomach. He’s not even listening to Derek anymore, instead he’s standing up and walking out of the room and as quickly as he can to the bathroom, throwing up as soon as his knees hit the floor. 

It’s disgusting and bitter, and now he feels like crying. There’s blood on his face and barf on his chin and- well, he’s definitely crying now. He’s so overwhelmed by everything going on, worse than when his mother died or when he lost the seventh grade science fair. Fair? More like completely and totally unfair.

It takes him more than ten minutes to pull himself from the bathroom floor and actually take a shower. He knows Derek is still on the line, and probably worried about him, but he deserved a nice, warm shower right now. Derek can probably wait. And, if he can’t, well, he’ll probably cry himself to sleep tonight. 

Eventually he makes his way back to his bedroom after his shower is over. He’s only covered by a towel, considering he didn’t bring extra clothes to the bathroom, but it didn’t really matter. Derek had seen him naked before it was fine. 

Low and behold, Derek is still in the skype call, patiently waiting for Stiles. He assumes the big lug probably used his super hearing to hear what Stiles was doing. Guess that was definitely a good perk from having an easily panicked boyfriend. 

“You okay?” He asks, watching as Stiles moves around the room getting clothes to sleep in. He watches him slip on a fresh pair of boxers, sweatpants, and then the shirt Derek left him. He waits for an answer while Stiles drags his laptop over to the bed with him and curls up under the covers, settling in cozy and warm with Derek. Sort of. He can’t really snuggle with a laptop. 

“Been better,” Stiles finally replies. “Sorry about… earlier. I was a mess.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to talk about almost kissing someone else again now or-

“I’m sorry. I miss you.”

“I miss you too-

“No,” Stiles interrupts, looking like he’s about to cry again. “I mean, I miss you so damn badly that I was going to ditch school and the pack three days ago to come and find you and t-to be with you. And it’s s-s-stupid to miss someone so much when you’ve only been d-dating for eight and a half months but… still.” 

Derek nods slowly, once again going quiet. If Stiles is going to say something more, he doesn’t want to interrupt. He knows how Stiles gets when no one listens, so he listens as closely as possible to every word he says, repeats them in his head as silence passes between the two. 

“…Theo was there. He was a body. I… I just wanted to feel something more than loneliness for three seconds. I wanted to feel like you were in my car again holding hands and making out with me. I-I wanted you.” 

Stiles puts a hand to his face, trying to stop the tears from coming anymore than they already have on other nights. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Derek. That’d seem so childish to him. He missed his boyfriend, boohoo. There were parents out there missing their kids, planning funerals, and here he was crying because he couldn’t be held at night. 

That had to be pathetic. His dad hadn’t held anyone in years; he had to stick with the problem that Stiles was. He had to sleep alone every night. 

Hell, even though Scott had a new girlfriend he still lost his old one. 

And Derek lost his whole family. 

And Lydia lost a boyfriend. 

And in Stiles’ head, well, there was no time for him to be all “I miss my werewolf boyfriend.” It wasn’t important enough to warrant concern. It wasn’t important enough for the pack. 

Stiles wasn’t important enough for the pack. 

“—iles.”

He shouldn’t have ever been allowed to be second-in-command in their pack. Scott shouldn’t have shown concern for him in any situation. Theo shouldn’t have even lifted him out from under his car. He should’ve left him to die. Stiles should’ve died.

“Stiles!” Derek’s voice cut him out of his terrible thoughts. He looked at the screen, blurry as he tried to make out his boyfriend’s face. Oh. He was crying. Well, just the thing he didn’t want to do. 

“Stiles, hey. It’s fine. I understand the situation. I’m not mad about you almost kissing someone else. You didn’t kiss him. That’s what’s important. Stiles. I love you. It’s okay.”

Stiles doesn’t say anything after that. He closes his eyes and pretends to fall asleep to Derek’s breathing, but he’s positive Derek knows he’s still awake. How could he not? He’s a werewolf he knows everything. Even so, he still pretends. And, he’s not sure exactly why he’s decided to stop talking. It’d be cliché to him if he said that Derek’s “I love you” was what made all of his bad thoughts go away. 

Or maybe it was the “it’s okay.” Because recently no one was saying that it was okay. No one was messaging Stiles back. No one was telling him that everything was going to be okay by the end of this. No one was saying it except Derek. Derek listened. He always listened. 

After an hour of not being able to sleep and pretending he was, Stiles thinks about saying ‘I love you’ back to Derek. But, the moment he gets the courage to say it, he hears a quiet “you’re okay” come from him. A minute later, he says it again. And again. And again. 

And as far as Stiles knows, Derek continued to say it until he was fast asleep.


End file.
